I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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