it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
