Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
