I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
