Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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