Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
