about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
