"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
