I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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