It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
