I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
