Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
