i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
