Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
