New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
