its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
