D3 body, D1 cock
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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