I think my fart just growled at me.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
