She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize