weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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