I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
