just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
