you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
