We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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