You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
sarcasm needs its own font
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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