Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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