i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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