Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
