Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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