she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
