it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
