We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
