I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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