Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
