Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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