i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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