Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
