I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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