i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
