I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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