You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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