I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He shit in the fireplace
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
