Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
