This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
