I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
