Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
