Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
