Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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