so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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