I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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