Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
