Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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