Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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