I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Randomize
