I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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