This is not my ceiling
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
