Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
But theres a keg here and me gusta
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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