i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
