nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
