I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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