Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
