I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
