It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
