if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
