yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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