what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
