i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
