just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
