just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize