walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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