it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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